You know how sometimes you store four years of political trauma in your body so that on the dawn of a new administration you find that you are only capable of going from one lying down position to the next as you take occasional breaks from weeping to stuff carbohydrates into your mouth while yelling “WHY DOES EVERYTHING HURT?!” to the cat, who has no comment? Us too! So here’s a photo of some carrots we named jared, ivanka, and melania that we sliced open in a final stab (get it?) at attempting to understand the optics of self hatred but the weirdest thing was that, inside of jared, ivanka, and melania, we discovered a series of voids that kept saying “yes, daddy! yes!” while smearing what we thought was expensive foundation but was actually Goya-Brand refried-beans all over everything. Wow! Highly recommend you try this recipe. Oh, and they screamed a lot as we took all of their money away, it was really beautiful. Anyway, we have eaten an entire jumbo bag of potato chips, have had Twitter surgically implanted into our brains, sung a medley from the Broadway, and still can’t stop crying. AMERICA!