Hey you guys! It’s spring! Which is exciting mostly because it was never winter, ha ha ha the polar bears are all dead! And guess what—we made more scones! Because when life gives you a long list of states about to ban abortion, you gotta get real obsessive about figuring out what the fuck “pea sized” means in relation to butter in flour!
Also we had this unique revelation recently while we were yelling “why aren’t you WORKING?!” at a pile of overly moist scone dough that absolutely fucking refused to turn into a circle, about how baking is a good metaphor for making literally anything with your hands. Because baking an adequate scone is a lot like, for example, trying to become a “professional playwright” without first becoming a tik tok influencer—literally fucking impossible.
But the thing is, if you want to eat a scone, you have to keep trying to make the scones. Because if you don’t try then you’ll literally never learn how to use tik tok, and why should you give up on your dreams just because you can’t figure out how to turn your self into a commodity that *also* aids in whatever terrifying culture war China is collaborating on with Russia so you can get the attention you need to turn your soul-work into sellable commodities?! And why is this scone dough so fucking dry?!
Anyway, just some stupid little vagina thoughts on this overly warm March morning, blah blah blah, sorry never mind I’m such an idiot lololol. Can anyone tell me how to download tik tok?!