Hi friends! Can you believe it’s almost September?! Hawt gal summer 2022 didn’t even have a signature drink attached to it, according to The Cut headline we absolutely did not read cuz we clicked on something about how millennials are aging poorly that included so many Gen Z catchphrases that we were actually unable to decipher what the article was about, which meant we quickly pivoted back onto the tik tac so we could feel bad about our hair. But now that summer is basically over, we are dealing with the transition the best way we know how: by absolutely fucking panicking about everthing!
And hey—we don’t know about you guys, but between daily unprecedented weather events and the Supreme Court making our poor lil human rights go bye bye, we are just not that hungry these days. So we are doing what any smart, deeply anxious gals would do and have started every single email we now write like this:
Dear Sir or Madam,
Hello! How are you?! I am unwell.
The good news about having absolutely lost our fucking appetites in the process of becoming somewhat-to-mostly unstable is that now we can make whole meals out of garbage from our kitchens. Stale granola? Throw a weirdly hairy peach on it! Elderly tortilla chips? YUM! Go on with those spoonfuls of peanut butter for dinner, gal, you’ve absolutely gotten this adulting thing DOWN. Or as the Gen Z children might say: wow, bae, you need help. YOLO!