Hey kiddos!
Here at Cooking Rage we have a few different tests we like to run that help us assess the amount of panic we should be experiencing about a fascist takeover of the federal government. Our favorite is how much hummus we are making!
Are you making so much hummus that you have to text your friends to ask them to please eat your hummus? That’s level two, which we call “generally anxious.” Are you making so much hummus your food processor smells like burning? That’s a level four, maybe four point five, otherwise known as “spiraling.” Are you making so much hummus that you can’t fit all the pots, machines, dishes, and knives you needed to fucking making a product you ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY refuse to buy for $6 because fuck this fucking inflation happening while all the birds are dying and a bunch of crypto bros are making us Google SOCIAL SECURITY WHAT IS IT every goddamn day into the dishwasher, and created such a mess in the kitchen that you burned your whole house down because you just don’t know what else to do?
Congratulations! That’s level 499, a level we giggle about otherwise known as “sobbing in my car after listening to the news”!
To make, boil your chickpeas with baking soda for not quite enough time, so no matter what you do this fucking shit will remain a little CHUNKY
Put garlic lemon juice and salt into your food processor and blend.
Add tahini that might or might not be spoiled, blend till thick, then add ice water till smooth or whatever who cares.
Add chickpeas and cumin and olive oil, which we can no longer afford, and blend until the machine explodes.
Eat with your hands.
cooking rage 