Some things make sense because they’re good for you, like exercising. Other things make sense because it seems like they’re good for you, like substituting almond meal for white flour when you’re making “protein pancakes for one” with a non-recyclable tub of yogurt.

That feeling, the moment you realize your pancake is a badly scrambled egg, is like any kind of failure at something you tried really hard to achieve, kind of exactly like how you keep trying to have a career in the American theater industry and yet remain entirely unemployable in your chosen field for reasons that no one will tell you. It also leaves you with the same salty AND bitter taste in your mouth!

So next time you want to externalize those deeply harmful feelings of uselessness that your therapist keeps trying to help you understand are ONLY due to your failure to achieve any form of commercial success and NOT because you’re a sack of human goo, go ahead and substitute almond meal for white flour in literally any recipe. You won’t be able to get the taste out of your mouth for days!

mmmm, failure