Cooking Rage Presents: Frantic Cooking with Ground Turkey

In this new series, Cooking Rage will teach you all there is to know about Frantic Cooking!

Frantic Cooking (noun): Cooking more than one thing at a time while in a secret competition with yourself to do so in as little time as possible. Benefits of Frantic Cooking include but are not limited to:

1. Instead of making 1 thing in 45 minutes, you can make 2-5 things in pretty much the same amount of time. So someone comes over and is all like “Wow, it smells like cinnamon AND potatoes in here,” and you can be like, “That’s because I had a single apple and three potatoes so I made some cinnamon apple muffins while also preparing a vat of potato soup and also a single potato pancake but that’s just for me.” And then your friend will be impressed for a minute. And if they are not impressed you can call your mom later and she might be.

2. Frantic Cooking can help you stretch a single food item into several meals that taste different. It’s very economical, and when you are economical in the kitchen you get to say things like


and that is very satisfying when you have few other accomplishments to date.

Today’s Frantic Cooking will show you how to take 1 pound of ground turkey and cook it into two entirely different meals simultaneously, ie the food equivalent of synchronized swimming.

Frantic Cooking:  1 Pound of Ground Turkey
Will become: Pasta Sauce and Chili at the Same Time

You will need:
1 lb ground turkey
1 small white onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 leek, white and light green parts only, thinly sliced
1/2 red onion, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
2 carrots, diced
1 bell pepper, diced
1 small can black beans, rinsed
1 small can red bins, rinsed
2 28-oz cans tomatoes
2 TB tomato paste
Olive oil
Salt & Pepper
Red pepper flakes
3 cups veggie or chicken broth
1/2 cup coffee
Red wine (optional)

*One big pot and one big saucepan.


1. Prepare all your vegetables. This is your mise en place, meaning get your shit together before you start your shit.

Let’s get ready to rumble.

2 .Try to keep all the veggies slightly separate, as they will be going different places.

Look, ma, no blood!

3. Add about 1 TB olive oil to the saucepan and the pot, and turn the heat on. You will make pasta sauce in the saucepan, and chili in the pot.
4. I’m going to highlight the words saucepan and pot so you can follow along, and because doing two things at once is hilarious.
5. When olive oil is hot, add the red onion, 2 cloves garlic, and sliced leek to the saucepan. Add the white onion and the other 2 cloves of garlic to the pot. Cook, stirring occasionally.
6.Crumble in half the turkey to the saucepan and crumble the other half into the pot. And some salt and pepper to both. Cook both over medium heat until turkey is almost cooked through, about 6 minutes.

Touched raw meat. Am now vegan.

7. Throw a small handful of diced celery and carrot to the saucepan and add the rest of the celery, carrot, and all the bell pepper to the pot.  Stir, and add 1 tsp each oregano, salt and pepper to both.
8. Add 1 TB tomato paste to saucepan and 1 TB tomato paste to pot. Stir both and let cook about 2 minutes.


9. If using, add about 1/3 cup red wine to the saucepan and let cook down a few minutes.
10. Add beans to the pot.

You’re a wizard, Harry.

11. Add canned tomatoes to both.  I added about 1.5 cans to the saucepan and 1/2 can to the pot.  If the tomatoes are whole squeeze them with your hands to crush them and when that doesn’t work scream “WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!” as tomato juice goes all over your fucking kitchen. So maybe consider using a small knife, instead. Or, I don’t know, maybe buy some pre-crushed fucking tomatoes next time, warlock.
12. Add about 1/2 cup broth to saucepan and the rest of the broth to the pot.  Give them both a stir.

13. Add 2 tsp thyme to the saucepan and bring to a gentle simmer. Let simmer, covered, for 30 minutes.
14. Add about 1 tsp cumin and 1 tsp red pepper flakes to the pot. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and let simmer about 30 minutes.
15. After 30 minutes taste both. Adjust seasonings. If the pasta sauce is too acidic, add a pinch of sugar. You can throw some red pepper flakes in there, too, if you’re like that.
16.Take lid off saucepan and let sauce cook down about 15 minutes, or until it reaches the consistency you desire.

17. If you’re going to eat the sauce now, boil yourself some pasta and enjoy that shit with some cheese and basil if you have it. And finish that wine.
18. If you’re going to each the chili now, serve with sour cream, cilantro, avocado, chips, salsa, beer, whatever just try to sleep alone when you’re done.
19. To store, let both cool completely before sticking in the fridge or freezer for laterz.

20. Congratulations, you are now an accredited Frantic Cook!