Listen. We all hate the polar bears. Fuck them and their ice caps. But if I’m going to pay $3.99 for my pre-bagged organic arugula from 3000 miles away only to open it and find that the arugula has already started to give off that tragic vegetal-death smell, well, then that money would have been better spent on a long-distance phone call to my representative, now, wouldn’t it?
So anyway, here it is: your global warming power breakfast. The arugula and tomatoes came from California, the avocado came from Mexico, the eggs arrived from Pennsylvania, bread was made in “Trader Joes”–that is a country, people–and the olive oil came from Italy via New Jersey. Make it in honor of the active destruction of our natural resources, and because it is delicious.
1 slice sourdough bread
1/2 c. arugula, washed and dried
1/4 c. cherry tomatoes, halved
1. In a large saucepan, heat 1 TB olive oil over medium heat. When the oil is hot, add bread.
2. Toast bread in olive oil, flipping occasionally. Make sure to moderate temperature otherwise bread will burn and you’ll be adding even more carbon to the atmosphere, dick.
3. When bread is toasted, take out of pan and let cool briefly. Spread with the avocado and set aside.
4. Crack an egg into the pan and fry it to your preferred done-ness.
5. When egg is done, pile arugula on top of the avocado toast and add the egg on top of the arugula.
6. Arrange tomatoes in artful patterns and add a sprinkle of kosher salt and some fresh cracked pepper because you’re fancy and you deserve this.
7. Eat with sense of impending doom and extreme guilt over the carbon miles logged for such deliciousness.