Cures What Ailes Ya Chicken Soup with Matzo Balls

Here at Cooking Rage we live our lives in a constant state of rage at the system, so we get a lot of head colds.

You’d think that we would be used to being sick by now, but no. We’re not immune to the day-glo fascist currently representing the Republican ticket, or the human flushing sounds that run the empire Roger Ailes built out of the ruins of the American educational system. Being sick all the time, you’d think we would be too weak to go around stabbing everything that is orange with a steak knife while screaming “AILES, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”


But we aren’t too weak to do that. We do that almost nightly. How? Because we make this soup. It’s our secret defense, like a wall built by Mexicans to stop all the raping. What? YOU’RE FIRED! This soup is the greatest! It’s the best soup! It’s the smartest soup! It’s the soup that will make you forget you have limited access to health care! This soup has the best brains! It can even help soothe the headache you get from living with the constant fear of being shot in a shopping mall! So make it! Make the soup, or the terrorists win!

Ingredients for Cures What Ailes Ya Chicken Soup with Matzo Balls

For Chicken Stock
3 chicken legs
1 onion, roughly cut
2 cloves garlic, sliced in half
1 medium or 2 small white potatoes, diced
1 carrot, cut in small pieces
2 stalks celery, cut in small pieces
Greens from 3 leeks, washed and sliced
*Any of the following will be great in the stock:
2-3 tough outer-leaves of green cabbage, sliced (this is what I used)
Broccoli stems, chopped
Kale stems, chopped
Olive Oil
Dried thyme
Bay teaves

For Chicken Soup
1/2 white onion, diced
1 carrot, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
Meat from chicken legs

For Matzo Balls
(Makes about 10 balls)
1 cup matzo meal
4 eggs
1/4 cup canola oil
1/4 cup seltzer
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper

There are 3 things you have to do to make this soup.
1. Make stock.
2. Make matzo balls.
3. Make soup.
It’s not that hard, but might look intimidating, like an old white guy in a suit. So be like Megyn Kelly and don’t let that stop you. And then please don’t be like Megyn Kelly in any other way.

  1. In a large pot (stockpot), heat about 1 TB olive oil.
  2. When the oil is hot, add chicken legs and brown them on all sides, 7-10 minutes.
  3. Turn off the debate. You’re going to have a fucking heart attack.
  4. When legs are browned, leave the heat on under the stockpot and remove legs to plate.
  5. Add all vegetables to the stockpot, a pinch of salt and pepper, and about 1 tsp dried thyme. Cook, stirring occasionally, over medium-high heat.
  6. Let the vegetables get nice and brown. Remember Monica Lewinsky? Roger Ailes did that.
  7. Once vegetables have browned add approximately 5 cups water, enough to cover the vegetables. Add the legs back in, and 2-3 bay leaves.
  8. Bring to a gentle boil then put the lid on and let simmer, like my rage, for 45 minutes.
  9. Make the matzo ball mix: beat eggs, then add matzo, oil, seltzer, salt and pepper. Stir, then let sit in the fridge for at least one hour.
  10. After 45 minutes of cooking, use tongs to take the chicken legs out of the stockpot and, when they’ve cooled a bit, take the meat off the bones and shred it using your fingers or a fork. Set aside the meat, and return bones to soup.
  11. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to boil for the matzo balls.
  12. Cook stock another 15 minutes, then taste. If it is too watery-tasting, let cook another 30  min or so with the lid off so the flavors can concentrate. If it’s too salty or otherwise too pungent, add more water.
  13. Asking people to follow recipes is kind of like how TRUTH is whatever people BELIEVE, huh, Ailes? Like I BELIEVE this soup will cure systemic racism and I don’t have to be personally accountable for anything if I just eat this soup. America!
  14. When the water is boiling, make the matzo balls and add them one by one to the water. You make matzo balls by wetting your hands, then taking approx 2 TB of the mixture and rolling it gently between your palms. You should be able to make about 10 of similar size.
  15. Drop balls into the boiling water, then lower heat so water is gently boiling. Keep lid on. Balls cook for approx 30 minutes. I am upset by how many times I just wrote the word balls.
  16. When the stock is all delish and super flavorful (mine cooks about 60-75 min usually), carefully drain it through a colander into a large bowl.
  17. Return drained stock to the stockpot and bring to a gentle boil.
  18. Meanwhile, prepare the onion, celery, and carrot to add to stock. The stock will now become soup. When stock is boiling, add onion, celery, carrot, and meat from chicken legs. It is now soup.
  19. Let soup simmer for about 10 minutes, or until the veggies are done to your liking. Taste for salt, and add as needed.
  20. To serve, add 1-2 matzo balls to bowl, and ladle soup over them. Serve hot. Do not watch political commentary as you eat, as it will give you indigestion.

    What are we gonna do, citizens?

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