The thing about toddlers is that they are teddy bear cute and also exactly like actual bears because they too will try to kill you til you’re dead if you dare to hand them a plate of pasta that was formerly their favorite food except that was yesterday and today they only want ONE HUNDRED BOMANA.
To be clear: it’s not that the pasta you have made them is bad, or even that it is different from yesterday’s pasta. It’s just that the pasta is wrong and you’re stupid for thinking they will eat anything except bonilla yogurt, which by now we figured out is vanilla yogurt except for when it is strawberry and will also, although the toddler chose the carton myself, be the wrong kind.
Fortunately, a toddler is by definition a person who does not understand subtext, so when you ask them if they want pasta and they say yes and then you make them the pasta and they refuse to eat it and you say very gently, oh, you don’t like the pasta? Why not? And they scream NO NO NO and so you say how about you try a bite? And they say NO NO NOOOO MAMA! and then run away to poop behind the couch while announcing I just need a minute so of course you give them a minute and when they come back to the table to pick up the fork and throw it on the floor you say please do not throw forks and then they scream a little bit before becoming distracted by the noise outside what’s THAT?! And you say, baby cakes, are you sure you don’t want a bite? And they look at you like you are the worlds biggest moron and say, again, almost wearily, no, so you get up from your rapidly cooling pasta to get them a banana that they also won’t eat because now they are playing and you say, but sweetie, you have to eat something and this all goes on for about a year or two and fortunately, they don’t know that the subtext of all of this is you internally screaming why the fucking fuck won’t you fucking eat the fucking pasta that was formerly the only food you WOULD eat.
Or they do know, and that is how they have so much power.
Anyway, here’s what pasta looks like if you ever go out for dinner ever again.
cooking rage 