Office Water

This recipe is such a treat. It’s my very favorite way to center myself and say “ahh” during a busy morning, or afternoon, or even early-evening. I created it after reading an article about how it’s super important to take care of yourself both inside AND out, and I don’t know about you but I’m so constantly dehydrated that the skin on my face is starting to turn green and peel off, though that might actually be from the fluorescents in here, or the black mold.

Anyway, I love this recipe and usually make it for myself after rage-crying in the conference room and always after wondering aloud “who makes the women’s room smell like the zoo?”

Ingredients for Office Water
Serves 1

1 glass
1 hard candy, unwrapped


  1. Get glass from shared cabinet. Re-wash in kitchen sink with 1,000 year old sponge and consider possibility of contracting dysentery. Does your insurance cover dysentery, do you think? Actually first can you tell me what is insurance?
  2. Fill glass with water.
  3. Take water-filled glass to front desk and choose one hard candy, preferably lemon or lime, from small glass bowl.
  4. Answer “Great!” to whatever question Linda asks you.
  5. Unwrap candy and place in water glass. Watch candy sink, like your dreams, to the bottom of the glass.
  6. Answer “Because it’s delicious, Linda.”
  7. Drink water.
  8. Return to desk.
Thanks for not ordering Lifesavers again, Linda.

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