Galvanizing Grain Salad

I don’t know about you, but I’ve gotten so galvanized by all the super awesome political undermining going on in Washington DC that I finally joined my local co-op. Why a co-op? Because I want to drown the patriarchy in a vat of tamari. How? I haven’t figured that out yet, but in the meantime I am eating some goddamn delicious pears that cost, like, a dollar. What better way to say suck it to the Whole Foods Libertarian Gary Johnson Climate Change Denying Systemic Oppression of People and Food Chains That Are Destroying the World?!

Now when I watch a video clip of Ben Carson smiling into the middle distance while he tries to remember where he parked his car instead of answering a question at his Senate hearing, I can rage cook with some locally-sourced motherfucking kale! Or when it’s time to clean out my fridge because I have just awoken to the GOP slashing health care like the silly little tiny microscopic nillys they are, I can make a grain salad with all the wilting organic shit I haven’t eaten yet because being a woman is disgusting and no one should have insurance unless they are rich and white! Yum yum!


Ingredients for Galvanizing Grain Salad

Leftover cooked grains
Literally any raw vegetable
Fresh herbs are nice if you want
Lemon juice
Red wine vinegar
Olive oil
Salt & pepper
Toppings & Shit


1. Make your vegetables ready to be eaten. I diced up 1 carrot, 2 stalks celery, 5 radishes and 2″ of a de-seeded cucumber and put it all in a large bowl. Then I thought about intersectionality and felt momentarily inspired. Then I turned on CNN and died inside again.

This is the world rn

2. Add your grain to the bowl. I had about 2 cups of cooked quinoa. Brown or wild rice, farro, couscous, unicorns, or rainbows would work, too.

3. I found some parsley and cilantro. I cut up some of both and added it.

I fucking hate Jeff Sessions


4. I added like 1/4 cup olive oil, some red wine vinegar, the juice of 1/2 a lemon and lots of salt and pepper. Then I tossed it together and put it in the fridge. Then I took a nap because all this shit is exhausting.

5. To serve, I added almonds, chopped olives, cubes of cheese, out of season tomatoes but they’re from the co op so it’s fine, and a little more lemon juice. It was tasty even though everything pretty much sucks.

Nutrients are important to be able to fight like goddamn hell.

**BONUS: This is a great thing to take to something like a massive march on 1/21/2017. For a list of where you can go scream your face off, visit this link to get started.

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