Wow You Seem Really Grounded Cum Shot Cake

Friends! It’s a new year new me kind of a January! We are unmedicated and feeling FLY assuming we do not look at any photos of California as it drowns under the weight of astral projected rivers or whatever.

In fact, we are so good that we were recently informed by a semi-acquaintance that we seem *way* more grounded than we’ve been since 2020 began 3 years ago. We’re not totally sure if being grounded includes sobbing hysterically on the subway or not but you know what?! We’ll take it.

Actually? Now that we’re thinking about it, it seems like really clear that our collective groundedness is probably because we closed out 2020 pt. 3 with a case of OG covid. Like we didn’t fuck around with a variant, we went straight to losing our senses of taste and smell! Which was honestly pretty #blessed because when it’s 50 degrees on the east coast in January, it smells bad outside!

So while we were sick we decided to celebrate our impending immunity from covid because we had covid and were pretty sure we weren’t going to die from covid, and also we wanted to honor the likelihood that we will now get swine flu or rsv or like Ebola or something, by baking a cake that we drizzled with icing that absolutely looks like our CEO jizzed all over it! Which he totally didn’t do because lol we haven’t seen him in like a year. But in our grounded state, we honestly think that if he totally did jizz all over our cake it would be completely fine, because we are always excited about adding extra protein to our cheat meals. Grounded!!!

Anyway, we were delirious when we baked this so if you just Google “what fresh hell will happen next” and throw some pudding mix into a pan, you’ll also come up with something totally delish! Whether or not your boss jizzes on it!


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