There’s this really special recipe we’ve been using for the past several months on repeat, it’s just that good! The recipe is simple: you just eat an apple and say the new German word we learned the day that the ocean caught on fire: fhuckitahll. That’s it! Nourishing, depleting, and utterly devoid of protein, it’s just what the doctor ordered on those days when you’re nauseous from overheating after a short walk even though it’s mid-October and it *should* be a lot cooler than it is!

Teenagers on Tik Tok are growing increasingly depressed by the incessant grind of content creation while also somehow controlling the narrative of what makes art “good”? Have some fhuckitahll.

Climate change is causing harm to every single species on the planet, including and perhaps especially humans as we weather year two of a global pandemic? Fhuckitahll, yum.

You stubbed your motherfucking toe on the goddamn piece of shit floorboard your landlord refuses to fix in your overpriced apartment in the city of dead dreams? A spoonful of peanut butter with that fhuckitahll makes it a Nut Fhuckitahll, which is good for your gastrointestinal tract (maybe. Dunno. We can’t afford doctors).

Try it! You won’t regret it. Or you will!

Accidentally re-created the cover of the Twilight books? Fhuckitahll!

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